Time heals all wounds---doesn’t it?
The answer to this question is NO! Technically time does not heal anything! It is an illusion that time heals. It is what happens within time that heals ---or not.
In order to truly heal and come into more of our wholeness we need a process that allows for life experiences to be digested and completed. Without such a process what typically happens over time is that unprocessed thoughts, feelings and beliefs about an event or interaction settle down deeper and deeper into the psyche (energy system) until they and their effects are out of awareness.
Just because we have forgotten an event and all its ramifications does not mean that we are not being affected by it. Unprocessed material living deep within subconscious/unconscious memory has a very powerful influence on present moment feelings and behavior. It is just such a situation that can create feelings of powerlessness and a sense of being out of control when we are trying to change a pattern, habit or way of being.
Our life experiences, thoughts, feelings and beliefs are imprinted throughout our body-minds via the energy system. Incomplete or unprocessed material leaves an imprint and often is driven deep into the recesses of our being where it can impact our emotional, spiritual and physical function. The conscious mind is not typically aware of this process or its results. This makes it difficult to become a clear and reliable channel for positive emotions, strong healthy energy or the attraction of our higher desires.
An important aspect of creating a life you love to live is to be able to shift to the higher frequencies of energy associated with the spiritual self or soul. To know ‘who you are’ and open to the frequency of your higher self, it is imperative to own and process all life experience. Too often the emotional aspects of negative life experience are left unfinished which leads to feelings of being fragmented, disconnected, empty or isolated. Just as we celebrate positive events, we need to grieve our losses and disappointments.
Here are some tips for identifying and processing grief.
Look to ALL your life experience to identify losses. Make a list. The usual and customary losses are probably apparent but then there are areas where you may not think to give grief a process. Nevertheless it is appropriate and even necessary to do so in order to truly be whole. Here is a list of such places. See if any of them pertain to you.
- Loss of innocence
- Change in life stages
- Opportunities not taken; roads not traveled
- Loss of appropriate nurturance, validation, support, trust
- Lost youth, loss of beauty (aging)
- Loss of body parts
- Loss of form or function: physical, mental, spiritual
1. Honor your experience by speaking or writing it out. Telling your story, honestly stating how it was for you without laundering it into what you think is acceptable is crucial. Experience needs to be claimed and witnessed in order to be processed and released. The witnessing, whether by yourself or with another, is best if it is nonjudgmental and compassionate!
2. Engage in a spiritual practice. Practices that help you connect with aspects larger than your ego self help make you feel that you CAN hold all your experience and not be shattered by it. Later you will realize that you can feel it AND let it go; this will give you more ability to feel what is there with courage because you can trust that you do not have to feel it forever.
Spiritual practice also helps you to not feel so empty or isolated. It can provide an infusion of loving, supportive energy that assists you and holds you up when you cannot do it all alone.
3. Seek out others who have been through similar situations. Sharing your experience, weaknesses and strengths is very healing. Both giving and receiving are a part of the natural flow of life. ..a core expression and rhythm of love.
4. Take breaks in your process. Especially if your grief is a large one, it is crucial to the process to give it both active and receptive attention. It is okay to let things rest and gestate for a time.
5. Provide an outlet for release of all thoughts, emotions and beliefs that have been stored up as a result of this loss for you. Create rituals, use intentions that help you to not only uncover and articulate but also for the letting go part.
6. Channel your energy into something positive. One family channeled grief about the loss of a child into a foundation that now raises money for research into childhood illnesses. Another family is honoring the memory of their child by funding a house for families to stay nearby when their sick children are hospitalized. These are two wonderful examples of turning grief into positive action … to process the grief and honor the past while improving the situation for others.
7. See a professional counselor if you feel that your grieving process has gone on too long or you feel stuck. Sometimes we all need the help and presence of another to reclaim our selves.
For more information see our article, Grief: A Stitich in Time, on the articles page.
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